


For Morty

by AwesomeMango7



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Crying, Depression, Lots is crying, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-16 02:14:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16076219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwesomeMango7/pseuds/AwesomeMango7
Summary: Rick tries to kill himself. It doesn’t go as planned.





	For Morty

**Author's Note:**

> Get ready to be sad. This is how I let out all my inner teenage angst lol.

Rick’s hand was shaking. “God—Goddammit, y-y-you sonofabitch...” He scolded himself, readjusting his grip on the laser gun before holding it up to his temple again. “J-just pull the f-fucking trigger.” He said shakily. He licked his cracked, dried lips and exhaled sharply.

He was sitting on his cot in his room, two nearly empty bottles of expensive alcohol laying on the floor. This was it. He was finally gonna do it. He just had to pull the fucking trigger, and everything would go dark— just what he wanted.

Rick has wanted to die for a very long time.

Years upon years of regret were stacked up on his shoulders, guilt heavily sitting in the pit of his stomach wherever he went. Life had never been good to him, even at the start.

He’d grown up with abusive parents that would beat him and call him worthless on a near-daily basis, and nothing he’d ever done for them was ever good enough. He ran away when he was eighteen, and managed to make himself a Portal Gun. He left Earth altogether, and spent over a decade all alone.

When he’d returned to his home planet, searching for that human contact that he’d always lacked, he fell in love with a woman named Diane without rational thought, and had a child with her.

Diane ended up cheating on him multiple times, and started to verbally abuse him— digging her manipulative claws into his mind, and holding him captive for so long that, when he’d finally managed to escape from her, he’d never fully recovered. 

He spend an even longer time transversing the universe, starting a band that went down in flames during an intergalactic war. He quickly became the most wanted fugitive to Galactic Federation in order to save other planets, and had to spend the rest of his miserable life paying for it. Friends died before him along the way, people he’d been to late or too weak to save.

After decades, he discovered the Citadel of Ricks. The place made him feel even more worthless than he had before. After all, a genius among geniuses is just an average idiot. The place was like putting all of the black sheep in the multi-verse into one place, making the very point of being the black sheep entirely pointless.

At least he discovered he had a family. His beautiful daughter, the one he’d left back on Earth, had started a whole new family of her own.

After discovering how his grandson’s brainwaves apparently shielded his from from the Federation, he decided to return. Beth welcomed him with open arms. His sweet little girl was all grown up, and he’d missed it all.

Jerry was an idiot. Summer was okay.

But Morty was really something.

At first, Rick had just seen him as an awkward, timid child, but at the time, he had no idea how much Morty would mean to him in the future.

Morty grew to become his everything. His friend, his companion, his partner in crime— He’d become quite fond of the quirky brunette. He was his family, and he loved him dearly— he loved him more than life itself. He was the best thing to ever happen to Rick.

But, he soon came to realize that Morty would’ve been better off without him. It took him three whole years to realize that fact. Rick always did tend to make everyone’s lives harder. He was cold, and insensitive. He always burned bridges before they could form in fear of being betrayed or hurt, yet again.

He pulled Morty from school constantly, causing him to fail his classes. He disrupted his sleeping schedule to the point where Morty was pretty much always tired, and always seemed to have bags under his eyes. He’d nearly gotten the kid killed more times than he could count on all of his fingers and toes, and he’d traumatized him beyond repair.

He was going to get the kid killed one day— he was sure of it. And he couldn’t let that happen.

Rick was a fuck-up. He wished he was never born. He wished he’d offed himself long ago.

He hated himself so much. He loathed ever atom that made up his existence. The only good thing that came from his existence was Beth, Summer, and Morty.

He didn’t have the strength to pack up and leave, so... this was the next best option.

Rick reached to the floor to grab one of the near-empty bottles and took a nice long swig until it was nice and empty, and then he held the gun to his temple yet again, and placed his finger shakily over the trigger. He steeled his nerves, taking in a large breath and holding it. Tears streamed down his face through his closed eyes as his hand continued to shake.

He’d do it on one.

 

**_Three._ **

 

He formed a picture of Morty inside of his mind.

 

**_Two._ **

 

He wanted him to be the very last person he thought about. Morty was everything to him. So, he imagined his smile, he imagined the look he got in his eyes when he first saw space from from inside the Spaceship. He looked so awed, do excited, so amazed and eager.

 

Yeah, this was the last thing he wanted to think about. Morty.

 

A weak smile formed on his face, and his hand stopped shaking so much.

 

**_On—_ **

 

“Rick?!”

Rick froze, his eyes flying open in panic. His head snapped in the direction of his door, and his eyes locked on the dark silhouette standing in the doorway. He could tell by their voice that it was Morty. _Oh God, when had the door even opened?!_

He quickly lowered the gun, stuffing it under his pillow, and then furiously started wiping away his tears. _Fuck, fuck... why now?!_ “M-Morty... w-what’re you doing awake?” He asked, his voice shaking despite how badly he willed it to be steady.

Morty stepped further inside before closing the door behind him, leaving them both in complete darkness. He heard Morty stumble around his room for a moment before he heard a click, and the lamp on his desk lit up in a soft glow. It took just a moment for both of their eyes to adjust.

The teen then walked slowly over to Rick’s cot and sat down next to him. He wouldn’t look in his direction. “I-I came... b-because...” Morty’s voice was trembling, and he balled the fabric of Rick’s blanket in his fists in order to keep them from shaking. “I-I had a nightmare, Rick...” He said. “I-I know that sounds silly, but in it, y-y-you _died_... a-and, y’know, I’m stupid and emotional, j-just like you’ve said to me before, and I came to—to check up on you, and— and—“

The teen suddenly exploded into tears, burying his face in his hands as his shoulders hitched. “I-I saw y-you, R-Rick,” He sobbed. “O-oh God, if I had come in here a second later—“ He cut himself off, turning towards Rick and wrapping his arms around him.

Rick shook in Morty’s hold, his own tears returning with a bitter vengeance. “Morty, god...” The scientist’s whole body grew tense. “Y-y-you weren’t supposed to s-see that...”

Morty held on to him tighter, nearly to the point that Rick felt like he was crushing his lungs. “W-w-why— how could y-y-you do that to me, Rick?” He cried into him, burying his face into Rick’s chest. “I-I almost f-fucking lost y-you... oh, god...” He couldn’t stomach the thought that if he’d only been a spare _second_ later, he would’ve walked in on Rick’s freshly deceased corpse.

“Y-y-you’d be better off without me,” Rick told him, trying to push Morty away. But the teen refused to let go, clinging to Rick like his life depended on it.

Morty cried harder. “Y-y-y-you’re a f-f-fucking idiot, R-R-Rick...” He sobbed messily into him, tears and snot collecting on Rick’s white tank. “Y-y-you’re so s-stupid, Rick, y-y-you almost died— you— you— h-how could you p-possibly think that?”

Rick let out a choked sob, unable to hold himself back any longer and he leaned desperately into Morty’s hold. He didn’t understand why Morty was so hurt by this, but seeing him like this made Rick hate himself even more for causing this pain. “I-I-I’m sorry M-Morty, I’m just so— I’m so fucking useless, a-and all I do is make everyone’s life harder. The world would be better without me— _You’d_ be better without me, Morty. Don’t you see that?”

Morty shook his head, grabbing Rick by the front of his shirt and pushing him away so he could look up at him. His eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were dripping wet. He looked so hurt that Rick had to physically look away from him. “Y-y-you’re _wrong.”_ Morty shook him slightly, forcing Rick to look at him. “D-don’t you know how d-devastated I’d be if y-y-you had died tonight? I wouldn’t—“ He squeezed his eyes shut, curling his fingers into Rick’s tank top so hard that his fingers hurt. “I-I wouldn’t be able to _function_ with out you. I-I _need_  you R-Ri-Rick, and I want you here, with _me_ , I want you alive, and I love you so much.”

“Morty—“

“D-did you even think of t-the aftermath?” Morty interrupted, talking through his sobs. “C-could you imagine w-what it would feel like for me, s-s-standing at _your_ grave at _your_ funeral? C-could you imagine how horrible it would feel to wonder if I could’ve done something to save you?” He clung to Rick desperately, as if letting go would be the end. “C-c-could you even imagine... how horrifying it would have been for me t-to walk in here right after you splattered your brains all over the walls? How heartbroken and hopeless I would feel?”

Rick didn’t know what to do as Morty continued to sob into him. He only sat there staring down at the top of his head as he let broken sobs spill out of him. He’d never seen Morty so distraught before. He’d seen the kid cry plenty of times before, like when he got injured on a mission, or when he got particularly frustrated over something.

But he’d never sounded like _this._ He’d never clung to Rick, sobbing so loudly that it was near deafening. He was lucky he’d soundproofed his room a long time ago in order to stop others from eavesdropping, or else the whole house would’ve woken up by now.

“P-Please,” Morty choked out into Rick’s chest, his voice muffled by the fabric. “Please d-don’t ever try to do that again, please, Rick, _please,”_ He sounded so broken, so desperate. “I-I need you so much, y-y-you’re my best friend. I love y-you so f-f-fucking much, Rick, _please.”_

“I-I-I-I’m sorry, Morty,” Rick cried, wrapping his arms around Morty’s quivering form. He was shaking just as bad. “I’m s-s-so sorry.” He couldn’t stand to see him like this. He couldn’t understand why the thought of losing him made Morty so upset.

“ _Please,_ promise me,” Morty cried again, saying the word ‘please’ like desperate mantra. “Y-you have no idea h-how much you make my life worth living. I-I-I love you so much, Rick, so much, I-I need you, _please._ You mean so m-m-much to me, Grandpa Rick.”

At this point, the only thing Rick wanted was for Morty to stop hurting so badly. It made Rick’s heart tare itself into shreds, because he _knew_ this was all his fault. Morty’s pain was _his_ fault, and he’d do anything to fix. “I-I promise,” Rick choked out brokenly through both his and Morty’s cries. “I won’t do it a-a-again.”

He couldn’t fathom why this hurt Morty so much. He’d only ever hurt Morty. But he guessed offing himself wasn’t worth it if it was only going to cause the person he loved the most to suffer so greatly.

 

Maybe he’d say alive.

 

For Morty.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
